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Table for 1

Posted on 
September 1, 2016

Once again I have lived and quite possibly proven that a few old adages can be tossed to the curb, or at least need to be updated for wiggle room. Let's look further in to a few of these flawed adages, shall we?

1.You should date your best friend. 

This is something I generally still believe, but that is only part of a successful relationship.

The past 7 months I had been dating a good friend until, well, two days ago.
I met him almost 14 years ago through my ex husband Mike, and from day 1, said friend (that we will call "C") and I got along famously. We were both blunt, gregarious, opinionated, would take a bullet for those we loved and had filthy words spew out of our mouths more often than not. We usually talked smack to each other and tried to see who could annoy one another more. 

When we told our mutual friends and ex's that we were were dating, almost every single person replied with "duh", "of course you are", or "that's a no brainer". The possibility of this working out seemed completely worth while to give it a go.

C and I had such a long history together already, so we didn't have all the speed bumps of getting to know each other as one does in the beginning of a relationship. We could pretty much be comfortable right off the bat. At first it was awkward to figure out how to treat one another in public since we were always platonic. We continued talking a lot of smack, and were a lot of personality and energy together to take in at times, that's for sure. We had the friend part ironed out, and the gravitation towards each other was high, it was the other important stuff we lacked. Big things like finding time to hang out, talk or see each other.

This is where 2 adages can possibly be proven right:
There isn't enough time in a day.
Timing is everything.

We both were learning how to date with kids (he has 2, I have none). Parents never, ever, have enough time to do much besides Go, Go, Go, it is hard for them to even breathe, let alone have any solo time (not new news, I know). Throw in a demanding job and out of the norm career hours for both people, and it leaves a very tiny space for any type of relationship or other friendships to flourish. 

Flawed adage #2.
If it's important, you will find a way to make it happen.
I think there can be give an take on this, and sometimes you may be just too exhausted or know better than to try harder. 

The day before we ended the dating each other aspect of our lives,  I had been writing in my journal to figure out my own shit and realized that we are good at what we always had, a kick ass friendship, so let's just keep that going. Let go of trying to make the seemingly impossible relationship part fit into our worlds and avoid more anxiety worrying about what we are unable to currently give each other outside of our friendship.

We ended our girlfriend/boyfriend relationship at a really tasty lunch, quite uneventfully, at least for a "break up". It seemed as though the moment we said out loud what both of us were thinking the anxiety instantly left our minds, faces and mannerisms. That's telling of a few things and also confirmation that we made the right decision to stop dating and keep friend-ing. 

Flawed adage #4
Dating a friend jacks friendships up.

​Only if you're a jerk face.
Fortunately for C and I, we aren't jerks.....at least to each other. We had communicated open and honestly the entire time we were dating, so nothing we decided on was remotely surprising. We had various obstacles prohibiting us from making this relationship thing work, and pretty much knew where we stood.

I have absolutely no doubt about our friendship being all good between us, and that we will continue our shit talk, annoying banter and beer drinking. We shared some really amazing adventures together prior to being "a couple", as well as being one. With all honesty, the ones as a "couple" would have been just as amazing even if we weren't dating, we just may not have made them happen. More than likely we will have more adventures together since we both learned a shit ton from and about each other that made our friendship and minds grow in a new and improved ways. 

Possibly true adage #3
You can't force a square peg in a round hole.

Just because everyone saw us as the perfect compliment to each other "on paper" and have a lot of the same values, tastes, and oddities, as well as attraction, doesn't mean it's going to work. Just because it's hard, doesn't mean you have to quit either. What is needed, as far as I am concerned, is for both people to be honest, on the same page, in the same chapter, reading the same story. C and I have always wanted the best for each other, and luckily, we have mad amounts of respect and love towards each other. That solid ground maybe what made it easier to admit that we may not be That Person for one another, but still is one big ol' son of a bitch when you realize it.

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Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Table for 1

Posted on 
September 1, 2016

Once again I have lived and quite possibly proven that a few old adages can be tossed to the curb, or at least need to be updated for wiggle room. Let's look further in to a few of these flawed adages, shall we?

1.You should date your best friend. 

This is something I generally still believe, but that is only part of a successful relationship.

The past 7 months I had been dating a good friend until, well, two days ago.
I met him almost 14 years ago through my ex husband Mike, and from day 1, said friend (that we will call "C") and I got along famously. We were both blunt, gregarious, opinionated, would take a bullet for those we loved and had filthy words spew out of our mouths more often than not. We usually talked smack to each other and tried to see who could annoy one another more. 

When we told our mutual friends and ex's that we were were dating, almost every single person replied with "duh", "of course you are", or "that's a no brainer". The possibility of this working out seemed completely worth while to give it a go.

C and I had such a long history together already, so we didn't have all the speed bumps of getting to know each other as one does in the beginning of a relationship. We could pretty much be comfortable right off the bat. At first it was awkward to figure out how to treat one another in public since we were always platonic. We continued talking a lot of smack, and were a lot of personality and energy together to take in at times, that's for sure. We had the friend part ironed out, and the gravitation towards each other was high, it was the other important stuff we lacked. Big things like finding time to hang out, talk or see each other.

This is where 2 adages can possibly be proven right:
There isn't enough time in a day.
Timing is everything.

We both were learning how to date with kids (he has 2, I have none). Parents never, ever, have enough time to do much besides Go, Go, Go, it is hard for them to even breathe, let alone have any solo time (not new news, I know). Throw in a demanding job and out of the norm career hours for both people, and it leaves a very tiny space for any type of relationship or other friendships to flourish. 

Flawed adage #2.
If it's important, you will find a way to make it happen.
I think there can be give an take on this, and sometimes you may be just too exhausted or know better than to try harder. 

The day before we ended the dating each other aspect of our lives,  I had been writing in my journal to figure out my own shit and realized that we are good at what we always had, a kick ass friendship, so let's just keep that going. Let go of trying to make the seemingly impossible relationship part fit into our worlds and avoid more anxiety worrying about what we are unable to currently give each other outside of our friendship.

We ended our girlfriend/boyfriend relationship at a really tasty lunch, quite uneventfully, at least for a "break up". It seemed as though the moment we said out loud what both of us were thinking the anxiety instantly left our minds, faces and mannerisms. That's telling of a few things and also confirmation that we made the right decision to stop dating and keep friend-ing. 

Flawed adage #4
Dating a friend jacks friendships up.

​Only if you're a jerk face.
Fortunately for C and I, we aren't jerks.....at least to each other. We had communicated open and honestly the entire time we were dating, so nothing we decided on was remotely surprising. We had various obstacles prohibiting us from making this relationship thing work, and pretty much knew where we stood.

I have absolutely no doubt about our friendship being all good between us, and that we will continue our shit talk, annoying banter and beer drinking. We shared some really amazing adventures together prior to being "a couple", as well as being one. With all honesty, the ones as a "couple" would have been just as amazing even if we weren't dating, we just may not have made them happen. More than likely we will have more adventures together since we both learned a shit ton from and about each other that made our friendship and minds grow in a new and improved ways. 

Possibly true adage #3
You can't force a square peg in a round hole.

Just because everyone saw us as the perfect compliment to each other "on paper" and have a lot of the same values, tastes, and oddities, as well as attraction, doesn't mean it's going to work. Just because it's hard, doesn't mean you have to quit either. What is needed, as far as I am concerned, is for both people to be honest, on the same page, in the same chapter, reading the same story. C and I have always wanted the best for each other, and luckily, we have mad amounts of respect and love towards each other. That solid ground maybe what made it easier to admit that we may not be That Person for one another, but still is one big ol' son of a bitch when you realize it.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

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